Where should I begin with this book?
Today I picked up my younger brother from school on his last day and we started a 3 hour drive back home through the beautiful mountains of West Virginia. We had made this trip many times but this drive was to be a unique one. The anticipation of a conversation that had been postponed for some time hung ever so slightly in the air. This was to be a conversation between two brothers, two MAN. The question that kept coming to mind was one that I had just been reading about: How do we define ‘manhood’? This question couldn’t have been any more relevant to my brother and me. I, a 28 year old young man and he, a teen of only 18 years of age were right in the mist of this one daunting question. ‘What does it mean to be a man?’ In “Season of Life” Jeffrey Marx gives us a refreshing look at what it means to be a man through the life of Joe Ehrmann and his journey from a NFL start to his days in ministries and with a unique high school football team.
In my brother’s and I’s case, the question of masculinity can be view from two very similar perspectives. The first one from our African background and the second from the last 16 years we’ve spent in the United States. As many Africans would tell you, being born of two very proud and successful African parents and not to forget of noble lineage, there are strict and high expectations of the men in the family. These expectations were than strongly reinforced by our American society. We are expected to be strong, both mentally and physically; successful, both academically and professionally; and finally bring home a good girl that our parents can be proud of. Now to most these sound very normal and acceptable. I two believed those were completely acceptable… until I read this book.
Joe’s belief was that society has fed us three absolutely destructive myths about what it meant to be a man.
- Physical power: athletic ability, physical attribute, strength…
- Bedroom conquests: sexual conquest or dominance…
- Checkbook: economic success…
Relations
Joe when on to explain that on our last moments in this world none of those things matter. Not how many basket
you made or the cars you owned and the number of girls you had been with. None of those thing matter in the least bit. What matters is the relations. This immediately brought to mind a picture of a boy sending one last message to his mom before a tornado hit the house he sought shelter in. A picture that reflects so very well what manhood and life is really about.
But for me it raised an even deeper picture. Although I had been raised in an amazing family, I still wasn’t sure that my relationships had been cared for as they should have. I started to wounder what would be said of me on my death bed as far as relations go. Was I a good son, bother, friend, partner, leader? When was the last time I expressed my love and appreciation for the people I cared about? Maybe we should all stop every now and than and ask ourselves these questions.
Cause and Purpose
In this book we watch Joe and his partner Francis Poggi “Biff” live a philosophy called “Building Man for Others” through a young high school football team. With the premise that most social problems such as poverty, racism, crime, drugs and family disintegration were symptoms of a deeper problem in our society. “If we do not help boys become men, then we really won’t be able to fix anything else in this country.” This is as worthy a cause as any but to the dad’s and boys out there, I believe it must because more than just a cause, it most become core value in our lives.
Having lived in Baltimore for most of his life, Joe Ehrmann made a lifelong decision to pour back into the lives of boys, especially those of less fortunate communities. He had a set of belief on justice and I’d like to share one with you. This is in direct relation to the current state of injustice taking place in Baltimore today.
“Joe said that justice should always be examined within the context of at least three broad categories: ‘It’s relational, it’s economic, and it’s communal.’…
Communal: ‘Everybody ought to be able to participate in the community. When people are ostracized, when they’re locked outside of the community for any number of reasons, you’ve got to do something about it. Just flat out got to.’
He goes on to say: “There’s that old saying: ‘You give a man fish, and you feed him for a day. You teach him how to fish, and he can feed himself for a lifetime.’ But if he can’t even get to the pond, no matter how impressive his rod and reels are, what good are they? You gotta remove the barriers so the person can go fish.” (Pg144)
The African American community is crying out for justice and as men, it is a duty, a responsibility to stand for a just cause and demand justice. Too many sit idle and watch as this injustice continues to destroy the very fiber of our society.
Among numerous awards, Joe has been named “The Most Important Coach in America” for his work to transform the culture of sports. Take a look at this short presentation on TEDx.
Be A Man: Joe Ehrmann at TEDxBaltimore 2013
This book has opened my eyes to so much when it comes to what it means to be a man. Although aspirations to be in great physical shape, excel financially and score that dream girl are understandable, we must remember that those things alone don’t define a man. We must push our communities to have more conversations with our boys and instill in them the proper values of manhood and not those of social media. I hope all dads and sons out there will pick up a copy of this book and start a conversation.
As for me, I will continue to work on my relationship with my father and my brothers. I hope they know it already, but in case they don’t. Guys! I love you and I am blessed to be your son and brothers.
Till next Friday!
Truly,
Cedric Metangmo
mc metangmo 